1AEB10 Tango de los Pistoleros

Yves: [narration] There is danger here, because what appears to be love, is only sadness, a lie. This is the nature of the Tango. It is more than just a dance, some say it is a dialogue between a man and a woman. Those who don't understand the Tango, view it as romantic expression of passionate love — it is not. The Tango is a dance of loneliness, of isolation. The dancers move their lower bodies, remaining stiff from the waist up, eyes intense, but distant. It is the man who controls with his eyes, but it is the woman who is really in control. In its most perfect form... the Tango... is life, and... the Tango... is death.

---

[The Lone Gunmen have Yves under surveillance. She has just taken down a man with a stun gun in order to take his role in disguise]

Frohike: God she's beautiful — the black widow and her prey. It's almost Zen-like the way she works.

Jimmy: I don't feel good about this.

Frohike: Hey, how good do you think that guy feels? If she could get two bucks for his kneecaps, she's steal both his legs.

Jimmy: So, that doesn't make me feel right about double-crossing her.

Frohike: How many times has Yves stuck it to us? Hijacked our work for her own financial gain.

Jimmy: She's helped us too. Sort of.

Byers: Jimmy, I understand your feelings, but in our own defence, we have a right to this story.

Frohike: Damn straight. And you'd better know it's important if it got me to set foot here in Miami.

Byers: A boat's approaching. This is it. Perfect, he's leaving the boat, signal Langly.

Jimmy: [on radio] Blowfish, this is Titanic. Titanic to Blowfish. You're clear to begin Operation Stab Your Associate In The Back.

Frohike: Give me that. [He takes Jimmy's headset]

Langly: [on radio] Who gave him the damn headset?

Frohike: [on radio] Get a move on, Frogman. Check out that boat.

Langly: [on radio] Right.

Byers: [on radio] Yves is keeping him busy, but not for long.

Frohike: [on radio] Langly, anything? Do you copy?

Langly: [on radio] Hang on. It ain't easy when I don't know what I'm looking for.

Byers: [on radio] Assume whatever it is has been camouflaged, hidden in plain sight.

Langly: Yeah, right. [on radio] No, it's here, it's got to be. [He opens up a cooler] A six-pack of German beer. This guy wouldn't drink German beer.

Byers: [on radio] Check the cans.

Langly: Way ahead of you, Sherlock. [He opens a can, it sprays in his face, he falls back on the throttle, the boat leaps forward and Langly falls off — screaming like a woman]

Byers: Oh god, Langly.

---

Langly: What are you doing? [Frohike is packing]

Frohike: Calligraphy. What does it look like I'm doing?

Jimmy: We're going home?

Langly: No we're not going home. We're onto something big here.

Frohike: Well, whatever we we're onto was last seen headed toward the Bermuda Triangle at full throttle. Now we're onto el bupkis grande. I, for one, am getting the hell out of Miami.

Langly: No you are not. Not after I nearly dies last night.

Frohike: Well, whose fault is that, Aqua Man? Look, we took a shot, we lost, we'll get her next time.

Langly: Well, back me up here.

Byers: You're lucky to be alive. Maybe we should cut our losses.

Jimmy: Maybe it serves us right, guys. You go in with bad intentions, only bad things can come from it.

Langly: What are you, a fortune cookie? I can't believe you three. Yves is out there somewhere, plotting and scheming, and you guys just — [He answers the door and Yves grabs his lips and pushes him aside]

Yves: You're alive. You don't know how unhappy this makes me.

Frohike: Yves, so what brings you to the sunshine state?

Yves: An automobile tracking device. [She throws it at Frohike]

Frohike: Well, it's my own creation. I call it the Frojack.

Yves: How helpful. Now we know the answer to the question: How many fools does it take to ruin a foolproof plan?

Jimmy: Four?

Byers: Yves, Ill concede there was some poor judgement involved.

Yves: What could you possibly hope to gain from following me here?

Byers: We hoped to expose your smuggler. And, if we're being honest about this, we hoped there would be some reward money when all was said and done.

Frohike: But we're journalists first.

Yves: Reward money. [Langly nods. Yves pulls a wad of money from her cleavage and flings it at them] Take it. Get out of Miami. I never want to see of you again. Ever. [She leaves]

Frohike: There must be over 500 bucks here. We are stopping at the Red Lobster on the way home, my friends.

Langly: Come on, you're not seriously falling for that one, are you?

Jimmy: What do you mean?

Langly: Oh come on, it's so obvious. She's trying to throw us off the scent. Why would she throw money at us if the deal's blown? The only thing that's blown is us and not in a good way.

Frohike: Nuh-uh. We're taking the money and hightailing it out of here.

Byers: I must admit, I am curious. I don't think there was anything on that boat. I think the smuggler had his goods on him and that means —

Langly: He's still out there, waiting to deal.

---

Emanuel Morales: I know you say I should not have come here, but I was careful not to be seen. I could not be sure what you heard about what happened on the docks that night.

Leonardo Santavos: The deal didn't go through. That much I know.

Emanuel Morales: I found your man here tied like a hog. Did he tell you that.

Leonardo Santavos: He did.

Emanuel Morales: He has a twin brother.

Mariano Cuchillo: I have no twin. I told you.

Emanuel Morales: And there was a blonde woman on my boat.

Mariano Cuchillo: A blonde woman?

Emanuel Morales: Yeah, a blonde woman. Long flowing hair, I still hear her scream in my head. [He impersonates Langly's scream] She and Cuchillo's twin brother, here, are obviously working together. But that is why I came to see you, Mr Santavos.

Leonardo Santavos: Let's makes this right. There is twice our original agreement. Compensation for your boat, and your troubles. Do you have it? [Emanuel Morales hands over a CD labelled Los Tangos de Amore, that Leonard Santavos puts the CD in a player]

Emanuel Morales: This is what you wanted me to bring to you?

Leonardo Santavos: Have a good day, Mr Morales. And thank you for your efforts. [Emanuel Morales leaves]

Mariano Cuchillo: I have no twin brother. Someone knows our plans. And there are loose ends to be tied.

Leonardo Santavos: Then tie them.

---

Frohike: Hey, guys. Peekaboo. A match on our smuggler. [Inmate No. 8837934, Morales, Emanuel, armed robbery, resisting arrest]

Byers: Emanuel Morales.

Langly: A Miami address.

---

Frohike: Mr Morales?

[The Lone Gunmen open the door to discover Emanuel Morales dead on the floor, A small black cube with a skull on top is sitting in the pool of blood beside his head]

---

[Carlotta, Leonardo Santavos' dance partner, has been taken away by the paramedics, her grossly swollen feet making her attendance at the dance competition in two days an impossibility]

Leonardo Santavos: Mr Duncan, may I impose? [Mr Duncan gracefully leaves] Would you care to dance?

Yves: It's unfortunate about your...

Leonardo Santavos: Partner. Dance partner. It is very. I have never seen anything like it in all my life. Forgive me, Leonardo Santavos.

Yves: Vera Lehdow.

Leonardo Santavos: Vera, I saw you signing up for the beginners class. Why?

Yves: I'm a beginner.

Leonardo Santavos: I don't believe that. You're too good. One more thing, you understand the Tango. So know that it's less about movement and more about expression. Some would say, expressing sensuality.

Yves: Beginner's luck.

Leonardo Santavos: It's also about mystery. Something which you have down pat as well. You know, I need a new partner.

Yves: What if I turn out to be not quite as good as you think?

Leonardo Santavos: It's worth the uncovering, no?

---

Langly: Check it out. Calling cards for murder.

Byers: Just like the one we found beside our dead smuggler.

Frohike: Whose calling cards?

Langly: A death squad that was part of Argentina's military junta. Los Calaveras, the Skulls. They always placed these with their victims.

Byers: What is an Argentina death squad doing in Miami?

Langly: Well, I wondered that myself. Then I came across this human rights' database that listed their suspected members. Mariano Cuchillo, look familiar?

Jimmy: The guy Yves was impersonating.

Frohike: You figure he killed Morales?

Langly: Dollars to doughnuts. But it goes deeper, because Cuchillo works for this guy. [He calls up another image]

Byers: Leonardo Santavos. Voted one of Dade County's top five businessmen of the year. Millionaire, philanthropist, Argentine native. His credentials are impeccable.

Langly: Not to the FBI. They have him under surveillance as we speak. He's a suspected smuggler with international connections. And he smart, they've never been able to nail the dude. I told you Yves was onto something big, whatever it is. Our problem is how to get close to this guy, Santavos, because, as it stands, we got to wait in line behind the Feds.

Byers: Maybe not. Our Mr Santavos is a Tango dancer. Apparently he's very good, he's entered competitions all over the world.

Frohike: So, what?

Byers: So, I think I know how we can get close to him.

Langly: If Yves doesn't get to him first.

---

Leonardo Santavos: Vera. Thank you for coming.

Yves: You have a lovely home.

Leonardo Santavos: More so now.

Mariano Cuchillo: Senor Santavos. The phone for you.

Leonardo Santavos: Pardon me for a moment. Please, make yourself at home. [He leaves with Mariano Cuchillo and they enter another room where they can watch Yves through a one-way mirror] I feel pathetic. Skulking around like this.

Mariano Cuchillo: I see no dishonour in caution. But why this one?

Leonardo Santavos: I see something in her that's special. [Yves places her purse against the mirror allowing her to hear their conversation in her earring] I feel like I can see in her.

Mariano Cuchillo: What I see is that she is taking your mind off business.

Leonardo Santavos: Not at all. Our man is on the plane and everything is set for Saturday.

Mariano Cuchillo: We still have loose ends. The blonde woman on the boat.

Leonardo Santavos: You will find her. I have faith. I'm going back to my guest.

---

[The Lone Gunmobile pulls up outside the Academia du Baile Dance Instruction]

Jimmy: A Tango contest? Seriously?

Byers: Santavos won it last year. We're not actually going to dance, but signing up for it is the perfect way to get near the man. Don't you agree? You coming?

Frohike: You three have it covered. I'm going to stay and watch the van.

Jimmy: What's going on, Frohike?

Frohike: You never know in a neighbourhood like this.

---

Byers: Guys, it looks like someone else had this idea before we did. [He passes the Tango Competition entry form to Langly] Check out the name of Santavos' dance partner.

Langly: Oh man, Vera Alyse Lehdow. It's sure enough fifteen letters.

Jimmy: What?

Langly: Yves Adele Harlow. Man, one day that girl is going to run out of names for Lee Harvey Oswald. Well, four can play at the game.

Senor Hernando: Excuse me. What do you think you're doing?

Byers: We're signing up for the Tango Competition.

Senor Hernando: First time applicants must qualify.

Jimmy: How do we do that?

[Their attempts have nothing to do with Tango and little in common with dance. Jimmy attempts some form of rodeo riding, Byers goes for a weak disco and Langly leans towards ballet. Senor Hernando is justly horrified]

---

Leonardo Santavos: Cuchillo, what is it?

Mariano Cuchillo: That woman, she appeared just as you needed a new Tango partner. Quite a coincidence.

Leonardo Santavos: What are you talking about?

Mariano Cuchillo: Why did you need a new partner?

Leonardo Santavos: Because Carlotta's feet blew up like two grapefruit. How could she possibly dance?

[Mariano Cuchillo takes his hand from behind his back, it is grossly swollen like Carlotta's feet, courtesy of the spray bottle he tried when he was rifling through Yves' purse]

---

Langly: Oh, this bites the big dagwood hoagie. I can't believe Yves' going to rip the rug out from under us again.

Jimmy: Well, let's face it — she's good.

Langly: But we're better than her.

Frohike: Look, I see this as a sign, we should just pull our stakes up and go home.

Byers: Frohike, what is it about you and Miami? Why are you so uncomfortable here?

Langly: That could be Yves. [There's a knock at the door]

Jimmy: I hope it is.

Kimmy: Hola, Amigos! Cómo estás usted?

Jimmy: Sorry, I think you've got the wrong room.

Byers: Jimmy, this is Kimmy. An associate of ours. He's a fellow computer expert.

Kimmy: Don't sugar coat it, Byers. Hacker extraordinaire is the term that comes to mind. The keeper of the mojo.

Frohike: What the hell are you doing here?

Kimmy: What, Courtney Love, didn't tell you? He emailed me, said you needed some help tracking info on one Leonardo Santavos.

Frohike: You what?

Langly: Kimmy I said I needed a consultation, not for you to come to Miami.

Kimmy: Well, it like this; see I information you need, so in the capitalistic traditions of our great nation it's time to talk about me getting paid.

Frohike: Hit the road, Schlomo.

Kimmy: Suit yourselves, but this finger here can unlock all those DoD secrets you crave.

Byers: 10% of any reward money we collect. [Kimmy powers up with a geeky flourish]

Langly: Missile defence?

Kimmy: Or lack thereof. Apparently the DoD has a new composite that can absorb electromagnetic transmissions, as in, it's completely invisible to radar.

Jimmy: Wow! Way to go, America.

Kimmy: Yeah, but if the bad guys get their hands on it we're talking Romulan Cloaking Device. Tanks, ships, ICBMs — Saddam Hussein could build a Cessna out of this stuff and fly into the White House.

Frohike: What does all that have to do with Santavos?

Byers: It's what he's smuggling. A sample would be worth Millions to a foreign power.

Kimmy: Hell, yeah. And he wouldn't need that much either, just enough to analyse.

Langly: And we can't get near this guy because none of us can dance the freaking Tango. We can't get in that contest.

Frohike: I can get into the contest.

---

Yves: Good morning.

Leonardo Santavos: I'd like to have a look in your bag, if I may. May I see?

Yves: Is there a particular reason?

Leonardo Santavos: There's a small spray bottle, an atomiser. [Yves produces the bottle] What is this, Vera?

Yves: Perfume.

Mariano Cuchillo: Really. Put it on. Please.

[Yves puts the perfume on and Leonardo Santavos smells her neck]

Leonardo Santavos: It's your scent. Very lovely.

Yves: Keep it. Remember me by it.

Leonardo Santavos: Don't go. Please.

Yves: What exactly is going on here, for you to be rifling through a woman's belongings?

Mariano Cuchillo: My mistake, and mine alone. I apologise.

Leonardo Santavos: Vera, a man in my position must be very careful. I have many enemies. All I want id for you to stay and dance with me.

[Mariano Cuchillo leaves and Yves palms the swelling agent behind her back]

---

Mikita Moldinardo: Tan... regreso el grande Lobo, eh! Mírele... que hace furtivamente de nuevo a este lugar. No como un lobo... sino como un perro... un perro de la hembra! Cómo el atrevimiento usted se vuelve después de todos estos años! Después de que usted no dejara a me con sus mentiras, y a nada otro. Esto... este medio nada! Mentiras... nada más! Por qué usted se ha vuelto? [So... the great El Lobo returns! Look at you... slinking back to this place. Not like a wolf... but like a mongrel... a mongrel bitch! How dare you come back after all these years! After you left me with your lies, and nothing else. This... this mean nothing to me! Lies... noting more! Why have you come back?]

Frohike: Por qué? Debemos... por baile porque. [Why? Because... We must dance.]

---

Leonardo Santavos: I'm sorry for this morning.

Yves: We don't need to discuss it any further. It's over

Leonardo Santavos: I'm sorry because I sense how difficult it is to gain your trust. You must have been hurt by a man before.

Yves: That isn't a stretch. Is there a woman alive who hasn't been hurt by a man before?

Leonardo Santavos: You hide it well. You hide your loneliness. You would rather be lonely and alone than to be hurt again. I understand those feelings. I know them all too well.

Yves: I enjoy our time together.

Leonardo Santavos: I don't want it to end. I find myself thinking, what will happen after the competition, what does the future hold for us?

Yves: Once again.

---

Langly: Yeah, look at Mata Hari in there. Man, she knows just how to work him, huh? Reeling him in like a fish on a hook. Faking him out.

Jimmy: I don't think she's fake.

Langly: Come on. [They run around the building to meet up with Yves as she leaves] Psst, Tiny Dancer.

Yves: You complete and utter fools. Get out of here now.

Langly: Well, well, aren't you in the thick of things.

Yves: My foot will be in the thick of your behind if you don't leave.

Langly: Fair warning: Santavos is going down. We're on to him. We're going to nail his Rumba Tango butt to the wall. And if you stick around, you're going down with him. Come on, Jimmy.

Jimmy: Yves, we just don't want to see you get hurt. [They leave and Yves turns back to her car to see Mariano Cuchillo in the doorway of the house]

Mariano Cuchillo: Buenas noches, Senorita.

---

Langly: Yves, I'm sorry. I didn't — [Yves manhandles him again by the lip]

Yves: Not a single thought goes into any of your actions, does it? You completely compromised my position. Cuchillo will kill me. If I go to them I'm dead... and you'll be next, Langly. They're looking for a blonde woman who disrupted the trade with Morales. If Cuchillo saw you tonight, he's surely mistaken you for a man this time.

Langly: Guess we'll just have to take our findings to the cops and hope they can stop the deal.

Yves: You don't get it, do you? The deal's already been stopped. The exchange is supposed to happen tonight... at the dance competition.

Frohike: Out in the open? How?

Yves: I'm not sure, that's why I had to be there. But now since I can't show my face, Santavos, he has no partner. And if he doesn't dance, the deal will happen somewhere else. We'll never get another chance like this again.

Byers: Yves, you have to be at this dance tonight, along with the rest of us. But first we have to make sure Santavos trusts you. And I think I know how we can do that.

---

Guard: Absolutely no video cameras.

Byers: But we're doing a documentary on the competition, we have to be in here.

Jimmy: Sir, this is the great El Lobo, the Michael Jordan of the Tango. Please, don't deny the world.

[Frohike brides the guard]

Guard: Come in.

---

Leonardo Santavos: Vera, I didn't think you would come. I wish you hadn't.

Yves: I understand, You think I've betrayed you, Leonardo, because I was with those men. [She produces a gun] I haven't, and I'll prove it. I use it to kill the blonde man Cuchillo saw me with.

Mariano Cuchillo: He and the others, who are they?

Yves: Newspaper men. The blonde one interrupted your business on the dock. He wants me to betray you. I thought I would at first.

Leonardo Santavos: What changed your mind?

Mariano Cuchillo: Prove it. Kill the reporter.

Leonardo Santavos: Cuchillo. But not with the gun, you will use this. [he hands her a switchblade]

---

Kimmy: You know, this is the 21st century. Where did you dig up this ancient stoneware?

Langly: This is state of the art face recognition, you ninny. The use it at the Super Bowl to scope out terrorists in a crowd of 70,000. Of course I made some improvements to the end user interface. [on radio] Keep the camera moving, Jimmy. Grab every face in the joint.

Byers: [on radio] The buyer has to be here somewhere.

---

Kimmy: [on radio] This tape is going to be priceless, man. Hey, Jack, Jerry, whatever you name is, get that camera back on Frohike. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, we got a hit here. Matching, matching... Guys, I'm looking at a known Libyan arms smuggler who loves to cut a rug.

Jimmy: [on radio] Where? Who?

Kimmy: [on radio] Couple number one, the guy.

Byers: [on radio] Frohike, Santavos is going to make the trade with couple number one.

---

Byers: They just got tapped out. They're out of the competition. What happened? Did we miss the exchange?

Jimmy: He took CD number eleven, he's number one.

Byers: The CD [on radio] Frohike, the radar composite is in the CD. Get that CD.

[Frohike elegantly dances past Nicholas von Getz, takes the CD from his hand and resumes dancing without missing a step. Leonardo Santavos sees the exchange and looks at Yves who tries to reassure him. Mariano Cuchillo is less trusting and throws a knife a Yves' back, at the last moment Leonardo Santavos spins and takes the blade meant for Yves. He dies in her arms as the music ends]

---

Byers: The return of El Lobo.

Frohike: The retirement of El Lobo. The sexual energy burned during this dance took two years off my life. That's why I quit in the first place. How's she holding up?

Kimmy: She's fine. So, what's our cut of the reward money?

Byers: There is no reward money, there never was, apparently.

Langly: At least that's what the FBI just told us.

Kimmy: Say what? What did she do this for then?

Jimmy: Because it was the right thing to do.

Kimmy: You have got to be kidding me.

Langly: I suppose I should say something. Thank her for not wigging out and stabbing me for real.

Jimmy: Later.

[They leave Jimmy alone with Yves. He extends his hand to her and they dance]